I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
