The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
