Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
