I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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