apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
