Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
