The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
a search helicopter?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
