Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
