hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
