I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
