if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
