Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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