you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
