i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Its about making memories worth repressing
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
