So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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