Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
