I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
bring money and cleavage
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
