I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
