There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
