your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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