If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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