we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
