Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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