I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
