It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
worst night to have a conscience
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
