i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
