I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
