So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
