Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
