Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
