There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
