come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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