I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
