I think I won the penis lottery.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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