i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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