talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
