I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
