Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
