Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
