the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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