I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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