I could have mohawked her pubes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
