i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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