do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
