Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
