Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
