Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
