wakey wakey hands off snakey
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
