dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
