If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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