It's like God shit irony all over that family
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
