Already got asked if we're dating
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
