did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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