i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
