I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
